n Saturday night, even as comedian Michelle Wolf was roasting him in Washington, President Donald Trump was in another Washington — this one in Michigan — where he was delivering a roast all his own: Of elites, the media, Democrats and anyone else he could think of.
I went through the transcript of Trump’s Michigan speech and picked out the most eye-catching lines. They’re below.
1. “You want to see a lot of people? Go outside. We could have filled this place up five or six times.”
Heeeeeeeeere’s Donald! And, yes, within 20 seconds of taking the stage, Trump was talking about how the crowd was huge — and could have been far bigger.
2. “I said, couldn’t you have gotten one larger? That would’ve been nice.”
Reminder: LOTS of people are there but even MORE wanted to be there. Why didn’t these Michigan people think of that???
3. “Where is Bill? Where? All right. Wherever the hell he is.”
Trump is looking, unsuccessfully, for Michigan Attorney General Bill Schuette. Wherever the hell he is.
4. “I wish you could have given us a larger arena but what are you going to do?”
For the third time in his first few minutes on stage, Trump is talking about the size if the crowd — and why it could have been much bigger. Big is good. Bigger is better. His calculus isn’t more complicated than that.
5. “They said, ‘Donald Trump has won the state of Michigan’ — won the state of Michigan. And we won a lot of other states also. That was some night.”
The 2016 election ended 536 days before Trump took the stage Saturday night. As you may have heard, he won. And he carried Michigan. No one said he could do it. But he did.
6. “We are appointing judges like never before. Great conservative, Republican judges. We’re setting records. By the time we finish, I think we will have the all-time record.”
There’s no doubt that Trump is appointing lots and lots of judges. As for “setting records,” he appointed 12 federal circuit court judges in 2017 alone, the most ever. Also, never forget how much doing things other presidents haven’t done is to Trump. Setting records for crowd size, for appointing judges, for getting tax cuts through — this is his lifeblood.
7. “We have the worst laws anywhere in the world.”
… Says the President of the United States.
8. “We don’t have borders.”
… Says the President of the United States.
9. “I said, ‘Let’s not do it there. Let’s let them put pressure on Gov. Jerry Brown. Moonbeam.'”
So: Trump says San Diego is begging for the wall. And the money for it has been secured. But that maybe he won’t do it to force a political opponent to feel some pain. So, OK.
10. “I can’t pay the extras. I hate extras.”
11. “Big areas don’t want sanctuary cities. They want to be safe. They don’t want them. We had to fund our military. Our military was depleted.”
This is not edited. These sentences followed directly on one another. Stream. Of. Consciousness.
12. “We are ordering brand-new airplanes. Brand-new everything.”
I wonder if new airplanes have a “new airplane” smell. I love that smell.
13. “Mad dog Mattis could not be happier. Cannot be happier.”
I maintain that if James Mattis’s nickname was “Short Stuff,” Trump doesn’t choose him for secretary of defense. “Mad Dog” is the sort of stuff that Trump likes. It’s tough-sounding.
14. “The Democrats don’t care about our military. They don’t. They don’t care about our borders or crime.”
Yes, this is a campaign rally. But, even for campaign rhetoric this runs pretty, pretty hot. Democrats don’t care about the military or the border or crime? Really?
15. “You people just keep putting her back against him again — again and again. It is your fault.”
Trump is referring to Sen. Debbie Stabenow here. And, a line like this is a reminder of his uniqueness as a politician: Scolding people at his rally for voting for her!
16. “We are doing things that are good.”
I like good things. And doing good things.
17. “Whatever happens, happens.”
[Nods head knowingly]
18. “They were saying, ‘What you think President Trump had to do with it?’ I will do you what. How about, everything — I will tell you what. How about, everything?”
Nothing irks Trump more than not getting full credit for things he believes he deserves full credit for — which is all things. He’s specifically referencing the talks between North Korea and South Korea over the past week.