High Scores: Video games that play well with weed

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Overcooked

Do you like hamburgers? Does the high version of you like hamburgers? Do you like cute little animal avatars running around and cooking things in a quirky game of “assemble the hamburger?” Of course you do. Sounds suspiciously too simple? You’re right. I have played Overcooked stoned. I have played it drunk. I have played it sober, depressed, manic, distracted, in Las Vegas, at home on the couch, with boyfriends, with friends, with girlfriends, with parents, and with children. Overcooked scales pretty well with your mental state — great for when you want to play something with your 7-year-old niece and also great to play when you’re Mary Jane-ed in another dimension.

The Sims 3

I spent a not-insignificant amount of time in college crafting a futuristic, propaganda-enlaced nightmare universe whilst under the influence of marijuana. But I am dark and brooding, so a modern hellscape from which no Sim can escape just really fit my vibe. You, on the other hand, could take The Sims a number of happier, less creepy directions. You can raise a family! You can craft a loving and happy community! This game is loosely centered around Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which implies your Sims can inevitably reach full personal enlightenment. Coincidental, because you’ll be reaching a danker, greener version of enlightenment of your own.

[Insert type here] Simulators

Farming Simulator, Goat Simulator, long-haul-trucking simulators, Rollercoaster Tycoon… the list is infinite. If you want a simulator for something, a simulator probably exists, just like porn and the variety of deep-fried foods at a county fair. After you’ve set down the bong and have ascended to I-can’t-feel-my-tootsies levels of blazed, simulators step in as that charming little helper to transcend consciousness. Your sense of self-awareness can get dangerously close to “I am a rollercoaster builder in an oddly ’90s dystopia of OSHA regulations!” “I am a goat!” “I am a farmer, minus all of the manual labor and having to go outside!”

Prop Hunt

Hide-and-seek, with dangerously simple rules that requires the cognitive abilities of a 3-year-old, is, incidentally, quite well suited for inebriated adults. The premise of Prop Hunt, a PC game, is pretty simple. You disguise yourself as a simple household object (say, a potted plant). The rest of your pals scurry around and try to find you (hence, the hunting of props). This devolves into a rollercoaster of emotion. Your friends are smacking filing cabinets and kicking over chairs while you snicker in a corner as a ficus. You can get up and move around too. For high people, a potted plant shuffling around a corner is the epitome of hilarity.

Minecraft

Roll your eyes at the blunt obviousness of this choice, but Minecraft is the pinnacle of man’s achievements in gaming. Feeling artsy? Get in creative mode and build the fairy princess tower of your dreams. Feeling antsy? Go explore new areas of the map. Feeling farmy (and you didn’t already install Farm Simulator 17 like I told you to)? Go wrangle chickens. Tame a horse. Set up a farm. Feeling extra, super-duper creative? Install a mod pack or jump on a modded server (when you’re sober-ish), and get lost in the extended, beautiful creativity of a lovingly crafted mod pack created by the most innocent of souls. Or suffer in the pure, uncut Machiavellian horror on someone else’s fighting arena survival server. It’s all there, my dankrupted friends.

Galaga

Who hasn’t spent hours and hours on end shooting little space shippies out of the 2D, endless eternity of space? Galaga and weed are an obvious pairing. Luckily, Galaga usually comes as a bundle with other classic arcade games — as if you’d need anything else but Galaga. But whatever, plebes.

Ye Olde Fighting Game

There are two thousand and one fighting games that harken from the dawn of gaming to the present hour. Everyone has That One Fighting Game that they’ve mastered. You know all the controls. You have calculated the precise strengths and weaknesses of every character in the roster. You dressed up as one of those characters last year at Comic Con. You argue whether Character X pairs best when pitted against Character Y or Z. Pop that disc in and get high, baby. Pick friends who don’t know the game well and feel like the God you are as you smash their avatars and self-esteems into oblivion. ♦

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